you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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