You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize