marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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