Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
