The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
