would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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