She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
