I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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