cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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