I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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