i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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