Say something about gay babies.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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