He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize