tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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