ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
