Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
