i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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