No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
