im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
