just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
