I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
