i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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