There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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