I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
