chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
