So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
