If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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