Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
