I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
