You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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