This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
