This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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