Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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