the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
