I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize