i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
