How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
