Welp...herpes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
