Is it because I queefed?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
