She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
