So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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