the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
