Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
