i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
