I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
