Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
