i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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