I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
