omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
