Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
