dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
