Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
