come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
