man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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