i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
