I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
