Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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