I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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