Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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