My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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