I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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