I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
