i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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