Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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