Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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