Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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