I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize