is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
