is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
