Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
