Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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