You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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