I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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