At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
