I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
