If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
