He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize