You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
