He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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