Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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