I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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