bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
