They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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