When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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