I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
