I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
