I feel great
I just peed on a car
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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