My hand turned me down
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Two words: blizzard sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
