I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
