I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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