I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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