I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
