Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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