You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sext me about skeletons
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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