i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
