you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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