oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
