I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
