So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
