At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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