I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
