is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
