remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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