that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
