Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
