yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
