Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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